djsoliloquy: (this is why we can't have nice things)
DJ ([personal profile] djsoliloquy) wrote2011-07-19 05:08 pm

Not So Funny Now, Is It? (Assassin's Creed. Malik)

The form my grief has taken, let me show you it.

Title: Not So Funny Now, Is It?
Author: [ profile] djsoliloquy
Fandom: Assassin’s Creed
Rating: PGish, warnings for implied violence.
Summary: Oliver Bowden’s book comes out. Malik is not amused.

Notes: Inspired by a kink meme prompt: Malik pays Bowden a visit and gives him a satisfying punch in the face (either literally or figuratively).

There was a bag on Malik’s desk. There was a bag on Malik’s desk and Malik was leaning back in his chair, legs crossed, flipping through the magazine spread out on his thighs. Downright smug.

Altair and Maria exchanged worried glances before approaching him. Altair said, “Malik, has something happened?”

Malik licked his thumb and turned a page. “No.”

“Oh. Well, that’s fine,” Maria said cautiously. “But you’ve been whistling. In a…happy way. We were concerned.”

There was an interesting smell that seemed to be emanating from the bag. “What is in the bag, Malik?” Altair said, when there was no response.

A shrug. “I had some business to take care of. It wasn’t anything of particular interest.”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with the rumors we’ve been hearing about the… the book, does it?” Maria tried.

Another easy shrug, another page flip. “What rumors? Nothing to worry about, I’m sure.”

Altair and Maria looked at each other again. They exchanged a set of loquacious rapid-fire facial expressions, which in sequence equated roughly to sentiments of Now what?, Do something!, and You do something!

After another moment of severe frowning with Maria, Altair stepped forward and rested his hand on Malik’s desk. “You were gone an extra hour over lunch break. Did you by chance have lunch with someone?”

“I did, actually,” said Malik, and Altair and Maria settled slightly. “I suppose you could call him a coworker. Well, could have called him a coworker. I don’t think he’s going to be doing a lot of working any time soon,” Malik said coolly and turned another page in the magazine.

“Was it Oliver Bowden,” Altair asked point-blank.


The bag sat ominously on the desk. A dark liquid had begun to seep from one of its corners. “Malik,” Maria said.


“What do you have in the bag?” she asked, rather politely. “Only, it’s, ah, unusual for you to take lunch breaks at all and some of us are a little curious what you brought back with you.” There was a loud shuffling behind them as Desmond, Ezio, and a number of others with desks on that floor strove to pretend they were focusing on their work instead of eavesdropping.

“Something Mr. Bowden is going to miss, I think,” Malik said after a steady stare over the rows of office desks. Someone coughed and the clatter of keyboards and busywork started again. “Actually, Oliver Bowden was only a pen name. That’s why I got back late from my lunch.”

Maria seized the bag and began tearing at the tie holding it closed. Altair felt like his mind was floating through a panic-induced daydream. “Malik, I understand completely why you wanted to do this. Believe me—”

“I never thought I would be on the receiving end of one of these conversations with you, Altair,” said Malik.

“But we are going to be in so much trouble if you actually assassinated an Ubisoft employee,” Altair finished. There was a scrape of chairs as the rest of the office stood up to watch the unwrapping.

“Oh?” Malik said. He gently turned another page.

Maria wrenched the bag open. She gave a small gasp and reached inside, moving things around.

“It’s a…computer hard drive,” she said.

“It’s—” Altair blinked. “What?”

“It looks like printer ink spilled everywhere.”

He checked the bag then stared at Malik, who finally acknowledged their presence by closing the magazine and turning his face upward. “You stole Bowden’s computer?”

“And his backup files,” Malik said, sounding insulted. “But, as I said, he shouldn’t be in the mood to write anything for a while. It was going to take more than beating the hell out of him to pull that man’s head out of his ass, but Mr. Bowden has been made aware of the severity of his actions, I think.”

A pause. With a sigh, Maria returned to her workspace. Altair looked around and leaned across Malik’s desk “Tell me you at least…” he said in a low voice.

“Hard,” Malik agreed.

“In the face?”

Malik smiled. “Of course.”

Altair gave a small fist pump in front of his chest, hidden from the rest of the room.

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